CHAPTER 16: Be your spouse's best friend and lawyer

CHAPTER 16: Be your spouse's best friend and lawyer

(friends close enemies closer in negotiation)

So you are mad as hell, but she might have you by the balls, you might have to do something that is a lot outside what your feeling. This is an important one. After you have a signed agreement with everything item of interest you can go burn some pictures of them, but for now your their best friend just working to give them their freedom to be unbound from you.

Remember in cop shows when a criminal is in the interrogation room and the cops are outside the one way glass. They are talking about the perpetrator not lawyering up so they pretty much can do as they like inside that room. One detective tells the suspect, “Oh, I'm sorry your partner just flipped on you, you better start speaking else they are getting the deal.” Same idea applies with your spouse.

If you can get her into a room with your lawyer to sign a “standard divorce document” you might just be in luck.

Note: THERE IS NO STANDARD DIVORCE AGREEMENT, IT IS JUST WHATEVER YOU CAN GET THE OTHER TO AGREE ON AND SIGN

Back to high pressure sales, but the good part is your not the one buying. If properly written and not under any pressure your spouse is sat down with a number to be paid and an official person of the law saying sure that's normal, cut and dry (nods) but we close in 30 minutes. If they are representing you and you know what's in that contract. Before your spouse does, you can act none the wiser.

Your advantage is that you know what's going on and what the goal is. First, you set the rules. Second, you knew it was your lawyer. Their job is to work for you and what you want. Your job is to use the misplaced trust or belief you and idiot that you spouse has to help you in the action of unscrewing yourself from their actions. The Lawyer and you are selling your spouse.

Lawyer: “Normally, 7 years is just the start of getting alimony, in fact many don't get any at all.”

Spouse: “That seems low to me.”

You: “Well, I don't have to give you anything as our lawyer said. I'm being fair in giving you

[insert amount].”

Spouse: “I'm not sure about this”

You: “This is all new to me too, but this is what they do for a living they are the experts.”

or

You: “Lawyers are expensive, we are saving thousand of dollars by being agreeable and working together.”

Just keep building up that trust and understanding of her feelings and dismiss them her fears as you would shadows in the dark. Keep the pace going and sooner than you think you will be all signed and bound. Talk about the fairness and be grateful for her effort to work with you.

A very important principle to understand when in negotiations:

Anything not agreed at-least 50-50 or better in your favor can be used against you to funnel money to your spouse that was yours.

Ex.1 Your child is sick with a cold. Mom decides to call an ambulance! You are reasonable or all medical items so you end-up with the bill for a decision you could not control.

Ex2. You are required to pay for transportation cost of the children. Mom moves from Florida to Washington. If you want to see them, she say “you pay for it!”.

*** USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. I am not a lawyer and this is not to be construed as legal advice. For any legal decision see the proper legal representative. You are the master of your soul.

CHAPTER 12: Get a lawyer you trust

CHAPTER 12: Get a lawyer you trust

Unless you have had legal matters in the past odds are you only know how to find a lawyer by looking on billboard signs or in that historical book called the “Yellow Pages”. But, who are these guys? How do you know you will be treated any different.

You are putting a large portion of your money on the line now and in your future.

• Alimony
• Child support
• Your Childrens' Education
• Medical bills
• Insurance
• Taxes
• Your Home
• Your Car
• Custody
• Visitation on scheduling
• Where you live
• Hours of your life transporting

Get reference if you can. If your parents or friends are local, it's possible they may have had or know someone with this expertise. You also want someone that meets your needs. If you have kids a Divorce Lawyer may do just that and no more. A Family Law lawyer is a better fit and should consider both the divorce and the custody matters.

Not all lawyers require payment for the first visit to discuss the possible impacts of the divorce.

Schedule some appointments with different ones if you can. It is well worth finding the right person you can deal with, you feel is honest and you can communicate clearly too.

Also it's important to understand the first visit is free, but a lawyers time is far from free. May the best of it.

List of To Do:

1. Be on time

The lawyers time is valuable and anything you don't get answered will cost

you later. Get there and be polite. This person may be your savory.

2. Organize the important items: Assets (Houses, Cars, IRA/401k),

Debts (Credit Cards,Mortgages, Loans ect) , Children,

Situation of Spouse and their income

Get a folder and also make a summery for the lawyer and

have it organized on a piece of paper

3. Know what you want and what's worth fighting for

Emotions are out the door at this point is all about how much of a

financial impact this will have on your life. It's all on the table now.

For Example:

Rental property which is $150k with a $50k potential increase

or your Primary property which is $200k and is underwater $100k

Your going to have to sit down and look at the numbers, you might not need a big house with a big monthly payment, but if you have a lot of equity, it might be good to sell later and make sure you can do it in writing and the profits are yours. Note: primary residences are a big deal when there are children involved. You might not be able to get the primary residence, because it would disrupt your children. This can be a big shock. You may not have known living in the underwater house could have saved you $50k, but you got the short end of the stick.

OR

$2,000 TV or 10,000 401k

(that will pay off later but has tax implication now)?

You might be able to negotiate the TV value for reduced split of

your 401k and convince the decreased value of future money verse

the quickly depreciating technology.

OR

$700/m for 2 child support with Medical Bills split 50%

or $300/m per child + Medical Bills 100% you.

Well, if you have 2 children you might be tempted to take the second option since its less monthly for the number you can see. $600 ($300X2) is less the $700, but what you don't see is your ex-spouse can you the Emergency room as much as she wants and you have to pay for it. So $1,000 medical bill for that bruised knee and your decision does not look that good. By splitting or your spouse taking full responsibility for

medical it does the most important thing of making their decisions effect

them.

*** The Above can happen with one of many items. You goal needs to be to ensure there is nothing you blindly have unlimited responsibility for

something you don't decide.

- Some areas: Medical, Travel, Activities, Schooling, Insurance Expenses

*** Lawyers fight for what you tell them to, they are smart enough to not give advice they are not requested to give. Be direct and specific. They can not make financial decisions for you, but they can tell you the areas to focus your attention.

4. Plan your strategies and reasoning to disarm your spouse

If you have a plan you can avoid emotions that might make your spouse lash out

and disarm them. In fact you can always play ignorant and innocent like you

don't know what your don't and this is all just normal standard stuff. It really does

not matter after the words are printed and names are signed.

*** USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. I am not a lawyer and this is not to be construed as legal advice. For any legal decision see the proper legal representative. You are the master of your soul.