CHAPTER 10: Modern counseling. It is the man's fault

CHAPTER 10: Modern counseling. It is the man's fault

Poor counseling starts with the assumption “So many times its the man's fault, so it's the man's fault until we get this sorted out.”. What you did not know is sorting it out may take years. So as much as you know it's your fault; Lies and Crappy Counseling is what I say. If they are doing their job they are objective and fair in discussing topics and talk time.

Remember counseling works just like advice. If the person you are looking for to reconcile with is not willing to give the effort. Someone telling them they should give the effort most likely is just a waste of time. They have made up their mind. The only reason they are there is either to check off a box that looks like they tried or because they respect the person giving advice.

So I'm in the room and she is spewing lies and emotions like she was kidnapped and beaten.

Answer: Let her vent, let the counselor see her uncontrolled and un-dealt with anger and rage. See what contradictions come-up. Pay attention to her but don't start a conversation as it might heat up. After they are done throw water on the fire, when it's your turn apologize she feels that way, and comfort her concerns by stating you never meant to making her feel that way or show and act to make her think that. Take your own notes to ensure you are engaged. Just sitting most people just zone out and look disinterested.

Note: If it's never your turn; make it known you do not feel you are being represented.

Later calmly reaffirm your love and dedication to the relationship, and disregard all the lies in-front of your councilor and see what happens.

Note: what you say will not be listened to by your spouse, but it is important to actively listen to them.

Your emotions will be ignored by your spouse. The psychologist/counselor should be a rational people, trying to use reason to untangle this emotional mess. They respect if you to are rational and if you are sincere and show controlled emotion (healthy), thus you are complete. The conclusion therefore is “it's must be the other person's issue” and the focus will shift more onto them. The more they are talking the more items they must be dealing with. You goal is to as kindly as you can stand-back and let them speak. The focus should be how you feel when you speak and not how you think the other person is, feels, or thinks. Always act as though you are just interested in your spouses opinion on your thoughts.

*** USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. I am not a lawyer and this is not to be construed as legal advice. For any legal decision see the proper legal representative. You are the master of your soul.