CHAPTER 11: If Divorce is inevitable

CHAPTER 11: If Divorce is inevitable

(nothing I do works, physical and mental string are being cut)

Your having a feeling of hopelessness set in:

1. You feel like no matter the amount of effort there is no lasting difference being made

2. You are certain she is cheating in fact she might even have told you. (Get the proof as stated in prior chapters, it will help you)
3. No remorse. No concern for anyone's feeling but their own. In fact it might as well all be your fault.
4. All conversations lead to fights.
5. Every conversation is one that is full of assumptions and intentional reading into.
6. She'd rather it be over, she wants a separation or mentioned divorce.

It's time to realize that your spouse is cutting the mental and physical strings in the relationship and only one member needs to do this in order for the relationship to be over. Typically first small emotional strings are cut then follows small physical strings. They will test there limits further and further. They may even rationalize you not catching them as a sign you do not care (self justifying). The rational does not need to make logical sense it just needs to be justified to allow the emotions involved not to overwhelm them with anger, confusion and/or frustration. Small acts like meeting a friend you don't approve over. Going out to a place you don't approve of. Spending money on activities you both had agreed was not a good way to spend the money wisely. These will increase and erode all trust until they betray you completely for someone else that condones their actions, in fact they probably are praised for them by these other people.

Cheating is an emotional and physical. It's not normally the first step in the breaking apart a relationship, but it almost always is the turning point where a decision in your spouses head occurs that they can not rationalize without thinking they might not love you.

After cheating for the first time they may have an internal conflict where they are required to separate themselves form any feeling of remorse. They must bury there memories and any evidence. This includes any reminder of their actions that they feel are condemning. There concern or care that their natural instincts tell them to use must be muted. They stop fighting because they realize there is nothing they want worth fighting for. They might even blame you for not saving them form their own actions.

If your spouse has come clean about cheating it is a great mental relief to them and it will dismiss a lot of anger as they now feel free clear to put their affairs out in the open (at least that one) even if your still hurt. Remember your feelings did not matter, it was the struggle in their head. It was an internal struggle in your spouse to do what should be naturally right, you had very little to do with it. At best they have a false reasoning that they did not want to hurt you (when they clearly did already). The fact is you were hurt the entire time. They worned the relationship and let it wander around like a wounded animal. If they are coming clean not provoked they may be secure enough with their other relationship to cut you as as a safety net.

If you valiantly stood by in this process hoping your spouse would see the error in their ways, odds are it's the 11^th hour and you don't have a plan. You might be in big trouble as your spouses plan is in full swing. They may have already been to a women friendly lawyer and digging for information to ensure they get everything that can, well using puppy dog eyes on you saying “I'm trying my bestist”! It's time to mobilize the troops and prepare for war, but this has to be a war of wits and cleverness and not one of words and vengeful action.

*** USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. I am not a lawyer and this is not to be construed as legal advice. For any legal decision see the proper legal representative. You are the master of your soul.