CHAPTER 9: Pressured into House or Children ( OR any other large financial decision)

CHAPTER 9: Pressured into House or Children ( OR any other large financial decision) 

 

If you ever get the pleasure of going to a timeshare presentation where high pressure sales tactics are employed, you understand the feelings involved and the players at the table. If we were single it would just be you verse the sale-man and you could tell him to piss-off and that you'd like your free Cruise and $20 gas gift voucher now. This process becomes that much more difficult when you add your spouse. Especially if your spouse does not realize they are starting to support the sale-mans point of view and know you have the sale-man who you could give a crap about, but next to him is your wife with puppy dog eyes saying sure we can afford that we have … (fill in the blank with all the stuff you should not tell a random stranger)! The fastest I've ever been in and out was when I told them I have no job and came for the free food. The point here is that your spouse greatly influences your decisions.

One thing to remember is that large financial decisions just like going out to eat might temporarily be satisfying but, its just like a band-aid over a cut off hand. Unless you get to the hospital your are not going to live that long and unlike it being you hurt in a relationship you must both be convinced its a good idea to go to the hospital! Sadly when you arrive at the hospital you find out you guys are the doctor, nurse and the staff.

The Second and by far more important item to remember is that these decisions can have long term effects that are bad if your relationship does not make it. This is why its important to have a strong and a track record of success in financial matters before diving into even more. Large finical decisions will have long term effects on how quickly you can recover from a bad relationship or marriage. For example, you decided to buy your first house. Great! So you have a 30 year commitment. Not bad considering your 100 or so year commitment to your spouse. Things don't seem to be working out as you thought. They don't seem to be the person you thought they were or you are having to try to make them be the person you thought they were and they are not doing it (liking it) freely. So you start wooing her again buying more things to make her happy. Say a puppy. Well, what she really has been pressing you on is getting that house and stop throwing our money way in renting. So you decide she's right and buy the closest thing to a dream house you can to make her happy. A little time goes on and she's back at it wanting to fill that house. But what about those extra rooms... it's time to have a Baby! You look at the finances and they don't look that good, but you think you know she will stick it out as long as we have each other. Sure, she agrees! You have your first kids. A miracle! Your hunkering down at work, your a family man now. You have to ensure those kids can be taken care of. You get that promotion with a few extra hours. You come home and your wife wants you to spend more time with the family. So you start coming home earlier, stop volunteering as much to go over and above and start working at home. You start taking care of the kids more. Your relationship is a little bit more rocky because of all the additional stress involved in a new child. Your wife needs a night off. You go for it. Sure you can go out, have fun. But low and behold it becomes more and more frequent. Your relationship start to float away, things stop getting done. You've made enough excuses things really need to get done because you guys are in trouble. A few days/weeks/months later they decided this is not what I thought it was. I want out. I want the house, the kids and half your income to pay for my life style and you know what they probably will get it. All this well ripping out your heart and stealing your kids. You are paying for the person you loth now possibly indefinitely.

So I repeat... the car salesman, loan officer, whoever is not your only hurdle in financial matters when you get married. Your spouse is THE MAJOR source of pressure and stress. Just like all financial decisions they should not be taken lightly. What you might not be thinking of when you are carried up in the whirlwind of romance and love is your spouse is also a financial decision. She can make your life hell if you do or don't. Every time you get into more finical ties with your spouse understand you are giving away more and more leverage in your relationship possible for only temporary “Happiness”. So my word's of wisdom is the old adage know what your paying for before you sign that bottom line. You did not just buy a car, you may have bought her a car and you get the bill.

*** USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. I am not a lawyer and this is not to be construed as legal advice. For any legal decision see the proper legal representative. You are the master of your soul.