CHAPTER 3: Signs things are Not Right: Time and Money Metrics (Part 1)

CHAPTER 3: Signs things are Not Right: Time and Money Metrics (Part 1)

I have hit a few ways already that you can know things are not right such as a break-down in communication, defensiveness, and insensitivity to ones concerns. Here are a few others tangible measures that might be able to gather a clearer picture.

First, I strongly believe in the values of Trust and Respect. In fact, I believe they relate to one another directly. This means as one decreases the other decreases or visa versa.

For example:
Joe has a reasonable request for the dishes to be cleaned by Sarah his wife as part of the daily house work. But everyday after work Joe comes home with them not done. In fact sometimes days go by and they remain undone. Joe's trust was given to his wife with the expectation of a result of care for both of them. He respects her ability and her way of accomplishing the required task. She accepts the responsibility. There is trust in TWO directions; he trusts her to accomplish what she promised and she trusts him to know the task is important as he is leading in both their interests.

The same thing can happen regardless of gender roles or leadership. What might not be realized by Joe or Sarah is by Saying one thing and doing another it is an act of disrespect and undermines their relationship’s trust.

Continued:

Joe hurt over the disrespect of his trust does not feel like reinforcing partial attention or affection. Sarah, expecting praise she desires finds her hopes dashed with little to no praise and starts doing even less.

Second, the prior effects from the initial cause directly lead to the summary that your spouse or girlfriend is lazy or does not care. Especially if you are compromising praise for effort; you deep down want it to be better, but you notice it becoming progressively worse. They may have lost hope. Hope in themselves and hope in you. They may be gliding by doing the minimum that will not prompt additional communication, well dwelling on their feelings of low self esteem.

Third, if your tasks requested are reasonable, maybe it's time to figure out where all the time is going.

Here are some common ones you might want to dig around and find out.

1. Online Games; How big is their Farmville(R)? (since its a time based game you can tell if weeks of time have been spent and if they are currently taking hours to do it.) (Passive)
2. How many Soap operas/TV Shows are they current on? (Passive)
3. Additional weight gain and eating (be it publicly or in secret) they are seeking comfort in something else (Passive)
4. Social Networking ex. Facebook: this is just like a chat room and can hide messages even more then Email, well looking completely innocent (Active)
5. Texting (deleting all texts) (Active)
6. Other entertainment activities: Shopping / Eating / Hanging out / Working out at the Gym (Active)
7. Social Entertainment Activities: Clubs, Girls nights, Bars, Movies, Hanging out with people other then you as a release. (Highly Active)

For example:
Joe goes to work and Sarah has a part-time job and gets off early. Joe and Sarah agree there are things around the house that need to be done and Sarah agrees to help out with the extra time she has. Joe notices not a lot is getting done, but also notices Sarah is online chatting a lot. Sarah starts asking to go out with Her friends and maybe even to a club to relax. Joe notices this is getting more frequent and nothing is getting done at all. She's dressing up nicer then when you both go out and later she tells you some guy said she had nice hair well she was out!

The more active your spouse or girl friend the more likely there are external influences and temptations. There is a reason almost all strong healthy married couples do not go to places without each other often. Even with the best intentions there are always influences and destructive attention but you need not invite them. If your spouse or girl friend is, they are looking for something else and its not you. Every relationship is different and some are tougher than others but NONE are not bulletproof. We are to guard and cherished our relationships. Your spouse pointing out compliments from another person of the opposite sex is a cry for attention ( jealousy or spite could be the root) . This is not healthy and that's when you are around! God knows that it is when you are not.

*** USE AT YOUR OWN RISK. I am not a lawyer and this is not to be construed as legal advice. For any legal decision see the proper legal representative. You are the master of your soul.